Hello again. Well…I write this with a heavy heart. I found out several weeks ago that my mother has terminal cancer. I am just now getting over the shock factor but since I found out she only has less than 6 months to live, it has been a turbulent amount of emotions.
I have experienced feelings of guilt, regret, sadness and worry almost on a daily basis. Not a good thing to do everyday and i’m sure its certainly not doing my health any good either. It’s hard to get one out of the pit of despair, yet I know people all over the world must be going through the same feelings as I have been.
I am now able to get through my work day and since the shock has worn off, I am able to somewhat get things back to norm. She is currently residing in Florida with my sister so I have yet to make the trip out to see her and say my final goodbye’s. That is a trip that will be taken at the end of of this month and one I am not looking forward to.
I only hope for the strength to get through the visit. I am trying to remember in my mind that if we knew what lies ahead past death of the physical body, maybe we would not be so saddened. As a woman of faith, I know what the Bible says about being absent from the body. I am praying that my mother’s spiritual condition is ready and cleanse before she meets her maker.
Thinking of making the funeral arrangements is already overwhelming. Although I do create funeral programs for a living, its going to be very difficult to do it for my own mother. But peeking my head out of the despair pit, I know that this is happening for a reason and that it will make me into a better, stronger person in the long run.
Here is a beautiful funeral poem that I will most likely incorporate into her service:
God saw you getting tired
and a cure was not to be
so he put his arms around you
“Come to Me”
With tearful eyes we watched you
and saw you pass away
and although we love you dearly
we could not make you stay.
A Golden heart stopped beating
hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us
He only takes the best.